Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
