ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
