I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize