Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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