put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Life is so much better after having sex.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
