You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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