That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Randomize
