please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
areolas are like halos for boobs.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
