Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
