She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Someone came in the potted fern
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
