Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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