I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
You pole danced in your parka.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I wear drunk well.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
