No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
