I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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