She is in my trunk
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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