Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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