haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
