just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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