I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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