I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
