Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
