Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
