i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
