I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
do herpes really smell.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
