You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
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