thus making me awesome and them whores
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
