i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
