He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
He shit in the fireplace
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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