Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
