I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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