Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize