Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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