Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
