Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
