And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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