She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
