is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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