my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
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