They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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