bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
