Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
