It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
