best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize