so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Randomize
