I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
