This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I didn't notice because vodka
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
