the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
