theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
