well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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