you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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