Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
