Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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