i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
