My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
