do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
