This girl is more easily done than said...
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
of course. lets lasso hookers.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
