I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize