I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
