I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
