so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
