Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
