I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
