I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
