***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
