Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
