My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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