Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
