yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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