She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Randomize