Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I miss vodka workout Fridays
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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