i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
