I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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